It would be so much easier to just say I am done.
To throw it way.
To JUST...GIVE …UP.
When there is already so much hurt, resentment, and anger, it can feel pointless at continuing. The fear
is always, its never going to change.
Part of my message is to teach people, that there is no such as thing as a pain free marriage.
You will hurt your partner at times. And your partner will hurt you.
Most of the time (hopefully) these hurts are caused by tones, frowns, and miscommunication. Most
couples do not go out of their way to create harm purposefully and intentionally towards their partner.
If they are, then that is an abusive relationship. And if that is your relationship, understand that your
partner MAKES A CHOICE to be abusive.
But for the rest of the couples, it usually is just a dysfunctional pattern of not willing to acknowledge my
partner’s pain. We are not willing to hear their complaints. We are not acknowledging enough of what
they give, and we may be making it about them filling our cup, and not vice- versa.
If you really want to heal your relationship you have to Dig in.
Consider when you make a physical change to improve your health. It really requires you to Dig in. You
have to change the types of food you are eating. You have to make conscious decisions multiple times a
day that will be in your better interest. Do I drink the water or the coke? Do I eat McDonalds, or a bring
some soup from home? Do I binge watch tv or go for a brisk walk?
Digging into our relationship health, requires the same intensity and commitment as our physical
It means, that I won’t overreact to their mood.
It means that if I am feeling lonely, I express myself, or I make it my responsibility to go find something to
It means that I am learning how to respectfully lay boundaries, but also willing to listen to their
boundaries (even when I don’t like their boundaries.)
It means that I regularly give love, rather than demand that it is given to me.
Digging in, requires change and change ALWAYS IS UNCOMFORTABLE. You are not growing, if you are
not changing. So, working on your marriage or relationship is going to require you to change….it’s not
How do you start? Look at your self first and decide what needs to heal. Choose Courage over Pride,
and forgiveness over resentment. Read about attachment, and assertiveness. And most important,
love yourself the way you want to be loved.
You are worth it. Actually, you both are.